This week I hit the pandemic isolation wall. I feel like I've generally been keeping on top of taking care of myself and staying well, staying focused, but some switch flipped for me a couple days ago, and it's hard to bring myself back. I know it's not permanent, but I feel very heavy right now.

I miss humans.
I miss being in the woods.
I miss the fluidity of my old life.

Today my roommate and I endeavoured to get out the gardening tools and get the garden going, but we were confronted by this massive mama pigeon who has apparently decided to nest on our patio directly on top of the gardening tools and she NEVER MOVES. At first we poked and prodded at the box to scare her off, then we decided we were more intimidated by the mama pigeon than she was of us. Perhaps we will just honour the prerogative of this Pigeon Of Destiny and let the city version of Mother Nature win this one.

I read an essay by Charles Eisenstein last week, The Coronation. It got me thinking about our society's addiction to control - our aversion to the surrender that isolation seems to be calling for. It would be easier to surrender if I didn't know about the violence and stupidity that's festering right now, unbridled. And yet, still so much kindness, co-operation and beauty (I do think this particular pigeon is quite handsome).

I think it's important to look at both sides. I wonder:

What am I willing to give up to feel secure?
What do I want the future to look like?
How can I contribute to that future?
What does a good life look like to me?

And then, the very uncomfortable and necessary companion to that question:

What does a good death look like?

That was where my mind was when I wrote this.

<3 cb